Saturday, September 13, 2014

Yes, I went there: FAUX-BEEF JERKY (...Oh my gosh, help me!)

My dear readers,

It's been a while since I've come at you with something truly magnificent! Tonight, before I head up to bed, I simply MUST share a new discovery with you. We're talking a discovery so fresh, I am still eating my first batch with stars in my eyes as I type! In fact, it is rather hard to type and eat at the same time. *giggle* I just can't help it, it's soo good! I am so freaking excited to share this recipe!

So, most of us have ended up vegan after at least a few years under our belts as meat eaters, am I right? And while I certainly don't miss eating meat per se after all this time, I do miss the intense flavor beef jerky had. Heck, who am I kidding? I don't eat salt! While I certainly don't long for that terrible feeling of overeating that inevitably salt encourages, or the puffiness and exhaustion that results, I *used* to enjoy salt. A lot. (Guilty face!) As a salt-free, oil-free, added sugar-free nutritarian, nothing I have come across has reminded me of beef jerky, not that I've been looking. I use a lot of garlic, spices, vinegar and even table-tasty seasoning (from Benson's Gourmet) to replicate the full flavor of something salted in savory applications, but most days salty food just isn't on my mind.

It's just one of those things I didn't feel a need to attempt to replicate when there are so many other awesome things to eat and play with! While it's easy to make cookies, cakes, bars and crackers that remind me of old foods, jerky simply never crossed my mind. In fact, I don't really make a lot of "old world" mock foods these days. The beauty and simplicity in my cherished whole foods is just too tantalizing to bother attempting to "improve." Why mess with perfection, right? Most days this is the norm for me, but tonight was different.

Folks, this new discovery was all just a big mistake! A freak dehydrator incident. A way to preserve a surplus of fresh food I couldn't consume fast enough, consisting of many different veggies that tonight, as fate would have it, included some celery stalks cut up into long sticks that dehydrated into tiny little sticks. I intended to grind them up with the other veggies to make another one of Hubby's mind blowing whole food seasoning powders, but tonight I just took a nibble out of curiosity.....

                                    .....and WHAM! Beef jerky flavor! What in the world?

Here's the recipe. It's stupid simple.

Jemoiselle's Mind Blowing Faux-Beef Jerkey

1. Get some organic celery (Psst! I won't tell anyone if you use regular, but try!)
2. Cut each stalk into thirds, and then cut third into three or four long sticks.
3. Place on dehydrator tray for two days at 95ºF. 

Dehydrate, and eat. Freak out. Do whatever you do. Share your results! 

For me, I swear, it even matched the meat texture! Almost made me kind of grossed out at first remembering how beef jerky actually felt in my mouth, the stretchy bits (shudder) that didn't quite get trimmed out. I am telling you, this stuff is the closest we will ever get to beef jerky this side of the farm! Next time, I will try making powder out of it and using it as a "one veggie" celery seasoning. Can you imagine that? Nom. Cows will sleep a little easier tonight I'm sure. *wink*

Have a great night everyone, lots of love!

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